I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
