update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize