if you like me you must not know who I am
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize