I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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