you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
