Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
