I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
