we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
