I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
