I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
