normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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