I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
