My first STD was from a foam party
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
