No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize