that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
