Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize