return my video game
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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