he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We're too hungover to prance.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
