I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
