I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
