omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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