coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
