My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
