also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
Just think how much sheโll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize