I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
