You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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