then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
