I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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