why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
