i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
