I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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