I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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