**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
