I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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