White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize