we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
