Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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