There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize