are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
