do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
