I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
