Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
