i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
