This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
