I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
