Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
