On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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