please come you make the beer taste better
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
