Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
