I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
