i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
