No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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