ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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