I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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