my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
