you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
wow bdsm is so cute
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
