But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's blow job season.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
