her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I smell like Dick and happiness
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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