1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
