I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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