Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
