I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
