like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
