i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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