Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
