There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
