Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
