he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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