What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
