it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
porn star boner night. come get it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
